You Feel Like a Sinus Infection
by HotSpatulaOnFire
Summary: Jade and Robbie are the only ones still hanging around LA, and they're friends. Begrudgingly, Jade almost admits that their friendship is deeper than just drinking and playing pool. Mentions of Cabbie and Bade.


I guess I like his music, and I sometimes smile when he tells a joke during a set. I don't like his music because it's good, it really isn't, I think I like it because everyone else mistakes his sincere lyrics for ironic ones. I think it's hilarious that he sincerely wrote a song about the dangers of broken glass, but I'm not gonna tell him everyone else thinks he's being ironic and subversive. I'm also not gonna tell him that his jokes are only funny because they are so incredibly unfunny. I'll also never tell him that I think we're actually friends.

All of these things he'll have to infer. He'll have to infer that I like his music because, while the lyrics are awful, he has an inherent talent for guitar and harmonica arrangements. He's just lucky that people think he's a much deeper thinker than I know he is. His quick one-liners aren't jokingly self-deprecating, but rather honestly self-loathing.

I never liked any of his sad, pathetic qualities at Hollywood Arts, but being the only two still hanging around kinda drew us closer. I let him and the people he works for (because producing music is steadier money than occasional gigs and the money "Rex" sends him every so often, he's on a television show now and Robbie gets some sort of compensation for lending Rex's likeness to the network) throw parties at my microbrewery (because beer turned out to be my true calling) and he'll sometimes confide in me. I guess you could say we're friends now, but I'll never tell him that, what would happen to the uneven power dynamic then?

The closest I ever came to openly admitting my end of our relationship was the night he and Cat finally called it quits after what seemed like forever of not seeing each other for tours at a time. All I wanted to do was drink at the bar closest to the brewery and play pool with Robbie. I also wanted to pretend he wasn't going to be moping all night, or I hoped he'd get trashed enough to make laughably bad decisions. He told me, "She said I made her feel like a stuffy nose. What does that even mean Jade? How can a person be a stuffy nose?"

"Did she mean that you remind her of a sinus infection? You remind me of a sinus infection, or a parasite. You're definitely a parasite, always taking my IPAs to give to your hotshot bands or 'borrowing' my space for a battle of the bands"

"Jade, can you not? Can you just help me? You're a gir-"

I could tell he wasn't having any of my bullshit that night but I wasn't having any of his bullshit any night, I cut him off, " Shapiro, just because I am a woman, does not mean that I know what the next Mariah Carey meant by saying you were a nose."

He got quiet, acknowledging that I was right. He finished his beer quickly and got us another round before he spoke up. "Do you think she meant that I was suffocating?"

"Cat's too nice to mean that." That wasn't what I really meant to say, but I was sparing his feelings for the first time in a long while. I felt bad for the weirdo that night.

"Do you really think so? Are you sure she didn't mean that she thinks I'm overbearing and clingy? Are you sure she didn't mean that she couldn't breathe with me around because she needs more space than 2,000 miles away from me? Am I clouding her judgment or am I cramping her hookups?" He was sad, he seemed worse than I was when Beck went back to Canada to star in some Canadian sitcom something.

I tried to console him, "Ugh, Robbie, you know Cat isn't smart enough to come up with that deep of a metaphor," but it probably sounded mean and impatient. It worked though, "I know, Jade, but I wish she could just be as mean as you were in high school though. I wish she could just say exactly what she meant, or hurt me fast to get it over with."

I didn't want to talk about his relationship, so I headed toward the empty pool table, but Robbie didn't follow. "What's wrong? Breakups never upset you this much. You're overreacting; you'll find someone, eventually. Probably."

"I know, but this was Cat. It finally happened, and it was real. Now it's really over, and there's nothing I should do because it wouldn't be right of me to do it."

I didn't know how to respond, and I didn't want to give him a hug, but the embrace was an involuntary reaction. I said, "Sorry kid," and he awkwardly wrapped his arms around me, still seated at a high seat. He sniffled and I took a breath in through my nose. His hair smelled good, kind of like miso soup and kind of like Herbal Essences shampoo, I liked it enough to even touch the curly mop in an almost comforting or friendly way.

I'd never been happier that the bar was poorly lit or that he wasn't looking at my face because my pleasure with his scent surprised me so much that I might have blushed. I think I did. It was a muggy night, and the smell of his hair combined with the humidity made me feel different, maybe congested.

I pulled away, "You make me feel congested, let's just drink till we can't feel our faces and forget about our pain. Does that sound good?"

Robbie nodded and followed me to the pool table, carrying our half empty pitcher, "Of course, that sounds healthy," he filled both our glasses, "I propose a toast to Cat Valentine's freedom!"

I had to correct him, "No dumbass, to a free Shapiro!" He smiled at me at held his glass up to my toast. "Thanks for the correction."

"No problem, that's what I'm here for," I smiled at him then, and it was sincere and almost friendly.

* * *

It's been a while since I posted anything. Probably since I was 15 years old. I'm not much better, and I don't know what this story is really about or where it leads. Sometimes, I just like to imagine that future Robbie and Jade are really close friends and they're more mature with age. I also like to imagine that Robbie and Jade have a thing between them that neither wants to happen because they'd have pale children if it ever did.

I also didn't proof that. Get at me son!


End file.
